Friday, January 15, 2010

Dreams of Grandeur

Every writer wants to be read. I have published in a few places and written plays that were in community theaters. Here are some scenarios for what could happen as a result of this blog, from worst to best.

  • The number of followers drops to zero, with zero views for two months straight at times.
  • The number of followers and views goes up, with more comments. At the end, I chat with the readers online.
  • Someone with more money than brains decides they like the blog and flies me to the Netherlands. We meet in Schiedam at the old Dutch Reformed cathedral, where Catrinus Mak would have gone. From there, we go eat, then head to the waterfront, conjecturing about where the sailmaker's shop would have been.
  • Radio Nederland interviews me.
  • I get 3 guest shots on a Dutch sitcom. Each time the scene is the same. I'm reading the paper at a cafe, and the stars of the show walk by: M: Isn't he the... Brit who had the country-rap hit with T-Pain in Japan a couple of years ago, "My Sexy Body Is Available (In Your Dreams)?" You could only get it as an import on yellow vinyl, and it sold a million copies, but then OK magazine revealed that he was actually quite dumpy, and his career was ruined.... Canadian guy you thought would never amount to anything, who went on to design Armani's line of nerd glasses in the dot com years?... Guy who nearly got punched out in Burbank by Oliver Stone after telling him to stop dressing like Valery Giscard D'Estaing? F: No, it's the American blogger. (Laugh track.) There would be a fourth scene in the season's closing episode, with a guy who looks like me. M: Isn't he the American blogger? F: No, he owns the world's largest collection of self-help books. M: Now I'm really confused. (Laugh track.) F: You were born confused. (Laugh track.)
  • Fr. Roderick Vonhögen interviews me for The Daily Breakfast and Katholiek Nederland.
  • I get hired by Dutch publishing companies to help them promote and sell their output in the US. I work with their translators and marketing departments.
  • Dutch and English editions of De eeuw van mijn vader come out with my blog entries as comments facing the pages they're about. It sells 20,000 copies each in the Netherlands, Belgium, Britain and Canada. 30 copies sell in the US, including the 10 for my family and friends.
  • Geert Mak gets interviewed on Book TV, one of my favorite shows. When he is on camera, the caption appears: Geert "Big" Mak.

1 comment:

  1. Just don't ever become the guy with the world's largest collection of self-help books. I promise, I will never give you one.